Elf on the shelf and Christmas shopping

It's that time of year again.  Time for the Elf on the Shelf and Christmas shopping. 

Now the Elf is a new thing for me.  I recently discovered the Elf a couple of years ago.  And he made an appearance at my work.  Yes nothing says Christmas like the Elf on the shelf playing in the bar.  Yes, in the bar.  In fact I couldn't even find the little drunk, so I had recruit another one to handle his duties for the year.  Maybe she won't be found like this.

Or like this

Apparently he had a thing for cognac

He ended up like this looking for money right before Christmas

So here is to hoping that his replacement has a little more restraint.  However, I'm not holding my breath that she behaves.

I started my Christmas shopping finally.  I actually did some on Black Friday, in the afternoon, and only one stop.  I'm not that crazy as to go out at 3 a.m. shopping, for gifts that is.  I've been known to go grocery shopping at the wee hours on my way home, because there is a 24 hour store on the way.  But even shopping in the wee hours is nuts sometimes.  You wouldn't believe the amount of people who have their kids out with them shopping at 2 a.m., but that's a rant for another day.

So I discovered a new store.  Well, it's not a new store. It's been around for years, I've just never gone in there.  I finally went into a Pier 1 Imports.  That's a store that I could spend hours in, and that's not a good thing.  I'm like a bull in a china shop.  I can't even think about how many things I almost ran into while there.  I'm such a klutz.  That is one of those places I should only go into with a chaperone and wrapped in bubble wrap so I don't bump into anything.  

I think I might be able to get a lot of my shopping done in just a couple of stops this year.  Who wants candles?

Insomnia and other late night things

So you would think I'd be used to staying up late.  I am used to it.  But there are times when it'd be nice to not be awake at the crack of dawn.

Tonight is one of those nights I'm hoping to be asleep long before the sun comes up. 

Why you ask?  Well, it's my night off.  I don't need to be up this late.  Ok, in defense of the time, it's still early to my body clock.  1:20am is early for me.  Except I have things that need to be done before I go into to work tomorrow.

This is week two of having only one day off due to scheduling problems at work.  We are short staffed.  So guess who gets to work on one of her days off?  Me.  Love the overtime, but it sucks when you have things that need to get done. 

At least the cats are mellow tonight.  Oh wait, its early for them as well.  In about another hour, the kittehannapolis 250 will be starting.  Yes, laps at 3am.  What is it with wee hours of the mornings and kittehs needing to run like maniacs?  Although when I'm up at that time they will usually wait until I've just fallen asleep to start.  Isn't it nice of them to wait until I can fully appreciate their run?

At least no one has fallen off the porch this week, which is good as I don't have time for them to give me a heart attack at the moment.

For those that don't know or didn't hear, my dipshit kitteh (aka. Stickers) decided during her roll on the porch to roll under the railing and fall to the porch below us.  Except what she failed to consider at the time was the fact that due to the stairs being right under the porch she didn't have a fully flat spot to land.  Needless to say she did not land on her feet.  And quite frankly, both Shortie and myself were shocked that she even fit under the rail as she is on the "fluffy" side.  Amazingly the dipshit tried to roll in the same spot later that night.  And this is why we call her dipshit.

Must try to sleep now, as I feel the random ramblings coming on.  Good night and may the insomnia fairy stay the hell away.

Old lady Whiskers is back

So Whiskers is back.  For those of you that know me, you might remember that Whiskers adopted a neighbor a few years ago.  However, due to health issues of the neighbor, the old lady kitteh is back with us. 

Now I like having my cat back, she started out as my cat and yet left because she liked the neighbor better.  But she's back.  And an even crankier old kitteh than before.  Ok, so she's 16 1/2 years old, she's allowed to be cranky at that age.  What does that relate to in human years?  150+? 

And she is very set in her ways, especially when it comes to food.  Canned?  Ok, as long as it is the one flavor she'll eat.  Dry?  Only if its kitten food.  Really?  I get that you are an old kitteh, but you are seriously picky.  Of course, she was spoiled rotten being the only furbaby of the neighbor.  But she gets the food she'll eat, because if its anything else it ends up in the garbage.

She also has her own room.  Why you ask?  Because she's an old lady and doesn't like the other kitties here.  She, however, is in for a shock when Shortie moves, as she will be having to share the apartment with the others.  Personally, I think she'll kick the crap out of them.  I'm just not looking forward to the literal cat fights while she regains dominance.

Now she knows, and was irritated by the dipshit kitteh before, Stickers used to annoy her she was a kitten.  Stickers just didn't understand that the adults wanted to be left alone.  However, since her majesty has returned, she has not really spent much time trying to get into Shortie's room.  Indie, the demon kitteh, is another story.  That little furball just doesn't get why the old lady won't play under the door with her, let alone wants her in the throne room.  Indie, piece of advice, just leave the old lady alone.  Go pester Stickers for pete's sake.

So to try to get everyone to get along, Shortie and I have been giving the old lady and the demon face time.  What could be wrong with that you ask?  Well, the old lady is armed and knows how to use the claws.  And did I mention she's cranky too?  Armed and cranky, oh yeah let me volunteer to hold that one while Shortie holds the demon.  At least she didn't draw blood, yet.

But they should get along at some point, right?  Or would it more realistic to be hunting zombies and unicorns?  I, however, will be investing in lots of bandaids and catnip.

Demon kitteh, personal assistant

So this little ball of black fur known as the demon kitteh has a new habit.  She has to help with most things in the bathroom.  Apparently I do not know how to properly brush my teeth, brush my hair, get dressed, etc.  And being the dedicated kitteh she is, she insists on showing me how to do everything.

At first it was cute.  The kitteh is standing on the toilet with her paws up for attention, and as long as I pet her she was happy.  That was a couple of weeks ago.  Now it is on the counter, leaning on me and guiding the toothbrush.  Ok, she thinks she is guiding but that is not really what is happening.  And god forbid I move from the sink, thats when the serious looks of disgust begin.  How dare I move from her immediate reach.  Don't I know, that as a silly human, I can't do anything by myself?  She knows when I'm to stop, the toothbrush signals (gotta love electric ones).  As soon as it signals, she is off the counter and waiting for me to get dressed. 

Of course she has to help with that too.  Does she not realize that I did all these things myself before she decided that I needed a babysitter to assist with them?  She helps with make-up, curling irons and flat irons.  However, she hates the hairdryer.  That is just way too noisy for her.  Is there a way to make it so that the curling iron makes that noise?

She also assists when I'm on the laptop, playing on my phone, trying to read.  I obviously need assistance with everything.  What she doesn't realize is the only assistance I need is her out of the way.  Sitting on the keyboard looking cute will win her loves, but only so I can remove said kitteh from the keyboard.

How did I ever survive without the help of this very dedicated assistant?  I survived quite well actually.  Just don't tell her, she'll never believe you.

Christmas shopping and other not so joys of the season

So every year I tell myself that I'm going to start early.  Christmas shopping that is.  Yeah right, never happens.  The few times I've done this I hide them, only to find them way after Christmas, sometimes in time for next Christmas.  So I started really hitting the shopping two days ago. 

Now I really don't like the malls.  Too many people and too many rude ones.  I used to like the malls and then found amazon.  But luckily my days off are in the middle of the week so it isn't too bad.  But just barely, and I have to finish next week.

Also the kids are at the stage where they are getting kinda hard to shop for.  Mainly because I get the wish lists really late.  Kids, I'd like the lists in, oh say, August.  That'll give me time to shop, hide, lose and reshop for your gifts.  But a mom can dream. 

Stocking stuffers for them are the hardest.  When they were little, crayons, small toys and silly string worked.  Now its, OMG what am I going to get.  What candy do they still like?  What are the ingredients, as the girls have developed food issues.  Ugh.  Ok two are of legal age, maybe airplane size booze bottles would work.  But which ones?  This is going to be as bad as finding candy they will eat.

I have a wonderful boyfriend this year that I get to shop for.  But what to get the guy who has whatever he needs and the wishlist contains things that I can't afford and have not a clue where to find some of the items on the list.  He doesn't eat a lot of sweets, so candy is out (I'd end up eating a lot of it).  Buying clothes for men is out, too hard to do, they can shop for themselves. Just kidding, if you gave me sizes and whatnot, I'd love to shop for you.  You like pink and purple, right? 

Wrapping is a whole other subject.  I've been lucky and Shortie has been my elf in charge of this.  I used to really enjoy it, but midnight wrapping sessions fighting with cats has somehow stopped that.  This year maybe I can keep them away long enough to do that.  How much would Shortie charge me to tackle this project for me?  I'll have to see if she is available for hire again.  She's almost 20 so slave labor is probably not an option and its going to cost me.  Or maybe I'll just get a bottle of wine and tackle it myself.

I did break down and get an elf on the shelf.  Not for home, the kids aren't going to buy the Santa is watching you thing anymore.  But I got it for work.  Maybe if the customers drink enough, I can keep them in line with the Santa is watching line.  The elf is having fun at work though.  He was on a shelf behaving himself when I left one day last week, and when I came in the next day he was playing on the beer taps.  We could have a very drunk elf if we don't keep an eye on him.  So Mr. Elf, no drinking and climbing the Christmas trees in the restaurant anymore.  That would be a sad day if someone found him dangling from the branches.

It's been awhile

So it's been an interesting year so far.  New kitten, new boyfriend, Shortie has a license and a car, The Boy has a permit.

So last 4th of July, not only was dipshit kitteh freaked out due to the fireworks.  Shortie texted to say that the reservation where they were doing fireworks at got closed due to idiots, she came home with a surprise.  So she walked in the door with her hoodie backwards.  While holding the hood she told me "look what I brought home".  My first thought was "oh god the bomb squad will be showing up next".  Instead she pulled out a little black ball of fur.  Little did I know that it was a demon spawn from hell.  Ok, not that bad, but boy what a little shit.  Shortie named her Independence aka Indie, I just called her demon kitteh.

Did some overnight shifts with K from work due to staffing shortage.  Made for long days, but the overtime was worth it.  In fact, doing one tonight to people calling in with family emergencies.  Which worked as the transmission went out in my car in September.  I hate cars sometimes.  But at least Shortie had just gotten her car and was able to borrow another one so I could use hers to get to work.  Its a land yacht, 1981 Pontiac Bonneville, awesome car with lots of crunch room.

Spent the Christmas holiday home sick, but got really good leftovers sent home in a care package.  Mom didn't do a turkey this year, she did tri-tip roast, which if you haven't tried it you must.  That was a really nice change, hopefully she'll do it again this year.

Norwescon was a blast.  My friend T introduced my to cake vodka.  Want to talk about a dangerous alcohol, it doesn't even taste like booze, definately could get into trouble with that.  Finally had a new costume this year, after thinking I killed my mom's sewing machine.  That was a scary moment in time.  I also thought I had killed my brother's dog the same day.

Also have a really awesome new boyfriend, who hasn't run away screaming in fear yet.  Maybe the duct tape and restraints are working, for now.

Time to go back to work, sort of. 

Dipshit kitteh and fireworks don't mix

Poor Stickers, aka Dipshit kitteh.  This 4th of July has been rough on her.  She's finally asleep, I think, but maybe not to deeply with the war zone going on outside still.  Old man kitteh could care less.  They just don't seem to bother him.  Maybe its because we got him when the kids were little.  If you can survive that, fireworks are no big deal.

The dipshit kitteh hasn't left my side since they have begun. And wants me to hold her like a little baby. You know how hard it is to be on your laptop with a kitteh in your arms? But alas, that seems to be how it is going to go for the rest of the night.

Everytime that I've gone outside to watch the fireworks in the surrounding area she wants to go outside.  Then about 30 seconds later, after a boom, she's meowing to go back in.  Stupid kitteh.  Don't you know I tried telling you about the noise? 

At least the apartments I live in has banned them, with a risk of immediate eviction if caught setting them off.  Which is nice.  I'm a pyromaniac at heart, but there isn't enough space in an apartment parking lot to set stuff off without risking someone's car.  Of course, that didn't stop anyone last year, but has seemed to work this year.

Shortie went to a local reservation with friends to go blow everything up.  I'm glad we don't live near there for several reasons.  The fireworks and dipshit don't mix, and they have a really nice casino.  That could be really costly if I lived that close.  I don't live that far, but I don't like to fight the traffic to get there.  So that tends to limit my visits to about once or twice a year.  Although they do have a really good buffet.  Maybe I'll have to stop by on a day off soon.

Hopefully the booms will stop soon.  It is 11:30 already, and she is upset.  At least I don't work early mornings anymore, so going to bed late won't be a problem for me.  But the kitteh, different story.

Hope everyone had a fun 4th and still has all their fingers.

Keep an eye on your kids when in a parking lot watching fireworks

Tonight Shortie talked me into going out to watch the fireworks at Emerald Downs.  This is the horse race track here locally.  Now as we didn't want to actually go into the place, we went to the grocery store across from it.  Well, not directly across from it but with a really good view.  Apparently everyone comes to see the fireworks on the 3rd out here by the track.  And they are all over the city of Auburn.  Maybe not all over the city, but within viewing range of the track.

So we get to the grocery store parking lot where she goes every year with her friends to see the show, I was amazed (I don't know why it amazes me anymore) at how many kids were running around this parking lot without parental supervision.  Now this parking lot is not closed off to traffic, nor is it on a road never used.  Its actually off of one of the main streets that is incredibly busy.  We saw a child about 5 or 6 damn near go into the road while traffic goes by at 45mph.  WTF?  Do you not want your kid to make it through the night?  People lighting off fireworks in the parking lot and throwing them at people.  Do you NOT know that the city of Auburn has a fireworks ban?  Really?  Of course, several of these came really close to several of the cars.  Thank god we parked at the end where they weren't setting stuff off, as I might be in jail for decking some idiot who sent one near my vehicle.

Oh.  It gets better.  One of Shortie's friends made it to the show.  So we gave her a ride back to her place, which wasn't far, but she was recovering from a cold and it was chilly and dark out.  After dropping her off we start down the road and what do we see?  A couple of adults with a little kid went running across the road.  Did I mention they were all wearing dark clothes?  Did I also mention that there was the crosswalk just on the other side of the build they were behind?  WTF?  Then as we approach that really busy road I mentioned earlier, some little kid (around 4 or 5yo) jumped off the sidewalk into the street.  Thank god I saw the kid when I did and I wasn't farther up the road, or it would've been a really bad situation.  That would've been horrible.  Of course, the parents would've sued even though they weren't paying any attention to this little one at almost 11pm.  Its dark out.  Watch your f-ing kids.  Some of us don't want to be responsible for hurting them, or god forbid, killing them.  Shortie wanted to jump out of the car to confront them, but she just settled on a rant about how some people just shouldn't breed.

Ok, I'm not a perfect parent.  I've never claimed to be one.  But my kids grew up knowing not to run in the street, and to hold an adults hand while out in public.  They do get embarrassed about that now that they are 18 and 19.  Ok, I really don't make them hold my hand anymore, they'd give me cooties at this point anyway.  When they were little, I taught all three to "touch" the car while I was getting them into it.  As there was usually one or more of them needing to get into car/booster seats, I'd put the littlest one at the time in first, then the rest.  Well, its kinda hard to put one in the car and hold onto the other one.  They knew that if they moved their hand off the car they were in big trouble.  It worked. 

People watch your kids.  You brought them into the world.  Don't let someone accidentally take them out of it.  If you want to be stupid, YOU run into the road and I'd be more than willing to hit you as you are worth points.

We don't tan, we rust...

As a lifetime resident of the lovely state of Washington, you'd think I'd be used to the rain, well I am used to it.  I'm even used to it when we probably shouldn't have it.  Like right now.  Its July 3rd at 4am (I know, I'm a vampire) and its pouring.  Really flipping, pouring.  Stickers, the dipshit kitteh, just came running thru the apartment meowing in fear because she was in my bedroom window and the wind caused the rain to hit her.  The window is partially open, its not really been warm enough for any length of time to need it open, but I like the fresh air and the window is a bitch to move so there it stays.

Everyone thinks it rains all the time in Washington, Seattle in particular.  Some years it does, some years it doesn't.  This is one of those years apparently.  I passed a boat on the 405 coming home tonight that was loaded with animals, lots of them.  Not sure where they were headed, but it looked like they were having fun.  Unlike the semi going UP the 405, with no traffic in front of them, with their brake lights on.  At least it looked like their brake lights, they were brighter than the normal running lights, and EVERYBODY (the two other cars in front of me) had to SLOW down before they could pass this dude.  And what do we all see?  No one.  That's right.  Not a single damned car or truck in this guys way.  Now if it were a downhill stretch I could understand.  But UP the hill?  Really?  I have friends who drive the big rigs, and I'm not 100% positive, but pretty sure that if they are going up a hill at 1am with no traffic in front of them (did I mention they were doing 45mph?), they wouldn't have their brakes on whilst going up the f-ing hill.  No, they weren't even exiting, which was my first original guess when I saw the bright lights WAY ahead of me.  Its amazing how quickly you can catch somepeople with your cruise control set to 63ish.  Ok, it says 65 but the needle reads 2mph more than the speed readers you see all over the roads these days, so I just go to 65 and hit the set button.

The funny part about this "summer" is the fact that the weather was better in the first part of June.  Which was very good as we had a graduation and a grad party that was primarily outside.  The ceremony wasn't, that was held in the Tacoma Dome, but the wonderful game of 'finding all the relatives and your child after' was outside, as was the party the next day.

Rain.  Gotta love it though.  I mean, where else can you rust instead of tan?  Wait, that could be the new state motto.  Welcome to Washington.  We don't tan, we rust.  But the ducks are happy as hell.  No not the Oregon variety, the feathered ones you can feed at the lake.  Now, were in the hell is the lifeboat?  Well, I am on the 3rd floor so maybe I won't need it tonight.

So I've finally upgraded...

Well, I've put off upgrading things for as long as I can.  I had to get a new phone as my old one decided that it didn't want to stay on during phone calls.   I can't believe that it decided to die after almost 6 1/2 years.  Aren't they supposed to last longer?  Really?  Are things that disposable?  So I got a smart phone, and I really do like it.  I managed to figure out how to hook up the blue tooth and get ringtones all by myself, but when I tried to answer a call it didn't work.  I kept pushing the damned green button and it didn't work.  So bless Shorties heart, when she came home she called the phone and showed me how to answer it, while rolling her eyes at me of course.  WTF?  You have to slide the green thingy across the screen?  Who the hell thought this thing up?  Everything else is just touch and it works.  Really?   Answering the phone isn't done the same way?  Why not?  And of course, I couldn't find THAT little bit of info in the instruction manual.  But, whatever.  It works now.  I can answer your phone calls, if I want to that is.

I went to pick up Shortie at work tonight, it is nice that she is working a late shift so I can get her when I'm done and she isn't waiting very long for me.  So she decided that she wanted to check out the games I had on the phone. The Flood-It frustrated her and instead of getting hooked on it (like I am) she turned that one off and went in search of something more her taste.  Bejeweled was her first choice.  She discovered that some apps are a pain to put on the phone, in that when you go play them or open them, you sometimes have to do all this other garbly-goop (real word I promise) to get to the damned game.  I found her a really cool version of the game, and as long as I can keep the phone away from her, I might even get to play it myself.  Jeez, some people's kids.  Wait, she's mine.  Damn.  Guess I'm going to have to share.

The second upgrade I've had to do in the last two weeks is to upgrade the cable.  Now this wasn't really my choice, we used to get our cable thru the apartment complex and it was part of the rent.  They, however, decided that it was easier for the tenants to deal with it on their own.  Not a really big deal, but as its not bulk anymore, the price is obviously more expensive.  I did get a screaming deal for digital though.  Amazingly it was cheaper than the expanded basic I had before.  I also now have the really cool guide on the tv, so no more tv guide channel or firing up the laptop to find out what is on.

What really amazes me though is how many channels are on infommercials at 4am.  Most of you probably aren't up this late, but as a bartender who keeps vampire hours, I'm up until 5am usually.  But there are at least 5 more channels I like that are working at this hour.  Yay.

And back to sharing new things, I had to fight to get the remote for the cable away from her so I could play with the new toy.  Why can't mom get to play with things first?  It's not like it's Christmas or birthday's when they get the cool stuff and get to play with them first.  It's my toy.  Let me play with it, or at least try to figure it out, before you have to show me how to make it work.

I know, I probably should have done these changes a long time ago, but I figure if it ain't broke don't fix it.  That and I'm cheap.  Why spend money if I don't need too.  I mean the more I can save by not upgrading means more M&M's I can buy.  Ok, I don't really buy that many M&M's, but you get the point.

Time to go play with the cool remote.  Hopefully I'll have at least half of the buttons figured out before she commandeers it again.

False eyelashes look like insects needing to be squashed

So it has been a busy couple of months.  Shortie had prom and graduated from high school.  The Boy also went to prom with a friend of his.  I got him a new suit, which he needed, and shoes to match.  It was funny to see pants that were actually too long for him, its hard to do as he's 6'6" or so.  Of course, the really fun part was watching him model the thing while he was trying it on.  Shortie, thank god, had already gone and found a few dresses to show me.  Now don't get me wrong, shopping isn't all that bad.  But when she has to try on about 15+ dresses to find one or two or so that she likes it can get boring.  Not to mention, that when she finds a really cute one she likes but doesn't fit quite right, she gets frustrated.  Not that I blame her, I do the same thing.  Which is the reason I don't like to do a lot of shopping.

But back to prom night.  She had a few friends over to get ready.  I had to feel sorry for both the boy and one of the girls boyfriends as they were surrounded and outnumbered by the girls.  I have to give them credit, they didn't run and hide, I almost did though.  So we have 3 girls doing hair and make-up in one room, I tried to leave early for work, didn't happen.  We got all the hair done.  How much hairspray can you use before something blows up?  And whatever you do, if you have that many girls in a small room getting ready with that much hairspray, for gods sake, don't use a lighter.

Shortie had bought false eyelashes for prom.  I don't know how anyone wears them, I never have.  But I have helped Red put them on before.  Most people probably wouldn't think they are a big deal to do, but its like trying to get a cat into a bath.  Ok, maybe worse.  First, you've got to get the damned adhesive on them without getting it all over, that's challenge one.  The next challenge is putting them on your lash line without getting them all over your face.  Then when you try the second time they don't want to stick, so more adhesive.  Now there's too much, and you have to set them down to figure out if it's even worth it to put them on.  Now you know why I don't use them.  If you are lucky when you put them down they don't curl up on themselves, because when they do, they look like a damned bug.  Squish the damn thing.  Oh wait, you can't.  You've spent money on these damned things. 

Is having long eyelashes really that important?  My girls think so.  I just don't get it.  They look nice in the box, and really good when they are being worn.  But, why go through that hassle?  I can glue my fingers together without fighting to put something on.  Oh well.  I still don't get it.  Maybe its just me, or maybe I just don't want to wear something that I'd rather squish.

At least I didn't have to watch them battle with them.  I'd have had to get the broom ready.

Its not the dryer, its the building

So I got good news and bad news on Wednesday.  The good news, my dryer isn't broken.  The bad news, it cost $120 to tell me that.  It's the damn building.  Well, the venting for the dryer that is.  When I told the maintenance man what it was, I got told "I told you to check the airflow".  I did.  The dryer's airflow that is.  I didn't know I was supposed to figure out the building's vent was clogged.

Jeez.  Now I get to have the management come out and fix it.  And then tell me that I need to empty the lint trap after each load.  I've had this set of machines for the last 22 years, I know this.  What do I look like, a blonde?  Ok, don't answer that.  I know I'm a ditz, but really?  I do know about lint traps, I even have a do-hickey to clean it out.  Yes, do-hickey is a word, a technical word at that.

I'd go clean out the damn vent if I had a ladder tall enough.  Even The Boy, who's around 6'6", standing on a step-stool can't get at it properly.  All I want in life is to dry the clothes.  Is that really too much to ask?  I don't want to have to visit the hell of the laundromat in the next 20+ years if I don't need too.  Have I screwed up that much in a past life to torture me that much?  Don't answer.  Really, don't.

At least I know that the machine is still going strong.  I'm just hoping to get at least another 5 years out of it.  I don't want to get a new one anytime soon, as even the repair guy said the stuff they sell now doesn't last anything like what I have. 

The really funny part about this whole ordeal was the repairman was here first thing.  I had scheduled a 8am - 1pm window, and we all know that they usually don't get there first thing.  In fact, when it did break last year, the repairman got here around 4pm.  So as I didn't want to wait all day, I figured, what the hell book the early time.  Yes, the day was full of suprises.

Now all I have to do is to wait for them to fix the building.  Laundromat, here I come.  I seriously must have screwed up in a past life.

Laundromats and other places in hell

I hate going to laundromats.  The only time I'd go to them is if I couldn't get a sleeping bag into my washing machine, luckily they fit.  And since I have a queen size bed I can get the comforters in there too.  But the dryer decided to act up and not work.  It just wouldn't dry anything.  So I scheduled an appointment for today.  Then on Friday, Shortie had moved it out from the wall.  And voila, it dries again.  Now it takes two cycles, but her clothes got dry.  So I cancelled said appointment.  Then on Saturday I decided to do a load for me.  I checked the clothes after the second cycle, and guess what?  Still damp and not even warm.  Rescheduled, but I couldn't get an appointment until Wednesday.  No big deal, I'll just go to the laundromat down the road.

Now the adventure starts.....

Since it has been years since I've been in one, they have put in all front loading machines.  Ok, no big deal as they used to have a couple of front loaders for the really big stuff like king size comforters and sleeping bags.  Now they have three sizes of them.  The small, which is for 20lb loads.  The medium for 50lb loads.  And the large, which does 75lb loads.  Ok, which leads me to my first problem.  How the hell do you figure out the poundage of a load of laundry?  There's no scale.  Do you just guesstimate the weight?  Do you insert a small annoying child into the machine to see if they'll fit, and then use that to gauge your laundry?

So I just decided to use two small and two medium machines.  Now here comes the fun part.  On the front of the machine they list what you put into what spot on the top of the machine.  Ok, makes sense until you see the labels the laundromat put on the machines.  Do they match the diagrams on the front?  No, that'd be too easy.  So I followed the instructions on the front, and then decided to just add more soap to the spot the top of the machine said.  I wanted to make sure it got to the clothes as that was the whole point of this adventure to hell.

Next you have to pay for these to start.  Ok.  Who remembers when it was $.75 or $1.00 to run a load?  Now, its $2.50 for a small, $4.25 for a medium, and $6.50 for the jumbo ones.  Jeez, how can anyone afford to go there on a regular basis.  Not to mention to run the dryers for an hour was $2.50.  So three dryers and 4 washers was a lovely $21.  If I have to replace my dryer, I figure that it will pay for itself in trips missed in around 15 - 20 visits to hell.

So now I sit and wait.  And wonder why my washers aren't as sudsy as the other machines.  Did I get the bad machines?  Did I screw up the soap?  Ok, that was a possibility, but still .  Now comes the fun part, running between the machines to see how much longer its going to take.  Everything looks smooth except the one with the bleach load in it.  It keeps telling me 23 more minutes.  WTF?  Is this one broken?  And as it looked like it was going to take forever I started two dryers.  Yes, I took that much with me.  I figured if I was going, might as well do it all and get it over with.  But of course, that machine stopped right after I started the second dryer.  Damn, more money.

But as the machine that had the darks in it had the coolest thing happen.  Yes, it didn't take much to entertain me this afternoon.  Shortie has this hoodie that is black with hot pink and white reflective things on it.  For whatever reason, it happened to flatten itself against the front door of the machine.  When it started spinning it was this really cool pink blur just spinning around.  So of course, out comes the camera phone.  People were looking at me like I was some tourist on my first trip to Disneyland.

Yup cool looking.  Cheap entertainment, sort of.

That was just one part of hell.  The another part was the kids.  Now I know kids will be kids, but really?  Running, screaming, opening all the machine doors?  I wonder how many I could've fit in one of the big dryers?  How long does a child cycle need to run for?  Just kidding, sort of.  The thought did cross my mind about a dozen times.

Then there were the people who choose to use the dryers right next to yours.  Which would be no big deal, except that they watched mine stop and then proceeded to stand in front of them to put their clothes in.  Did you not see that the rest of the row was empty?  You could've gone just one more over and not imposed on someone else.  Or do I not understand the etiquette of the hell called the laundromat.

I hope my dryer gets fixed.  I really don't want to buy a new one, but I will if it will save me from having to go back to that hell.

Don't leave your 7yo in your hotel room...

So on Friday I get a call from the front desk about a situation.  Remember how I hate the words "we have a situation"?  Well this little girl called the front desk that her mom had left and hasn't come back yet.  This is also a mom who hadn't paid to stay another night and was supposed to check out at noon, and now its 7pm.

Of course we are slammed in the restaurant.  Its usually not slow on days they need me to play manager.  But as the supervisor on duty, that's what I am.  So I had to leave the floor to my server, who thank god was working that day as we were so busy, and go to the room.  This poor little girl was hysterical.  When I got there, I introduced myself to her so she would open the door.  I told her that she could wait for mom in the restaurant with me until she got back.  I also introduced her to the front desk staff so she would also know them.

Because the mom hadn't paid, her key didn't work, and the little girl was supposed to be there to let her in through the window.  Like we were going to let that happen.  Thankfully she calmed down once we left the room.  What kinda of idiot leaves a 7 year old in the room?  On our way to the restaurant, guess who had just come back into the hotel with her other little one?  Yup, the mom of the year.  I so wanted to read her the riot act right there, but I didn't want to upset the girl.

So back to work I go.  Checked on things.  Everything in the restaurant was ok, so I went for a walk around the building to smoke and to make sure that this lady dumb bitch didn't break the window to get back in.  So guess what I saw?  Yup, the littlest one (the one she took with her) heading out to the parking lot and the bitch was outside of the room.  I went in and got backup so that I could figure out what she was doing now.  On the phone trying to find money to pay for the room.  Now we get the song and dance about how she works nights and had overslept.  Did she leave the girls alone at night?  WTF?  I'm thinking that maybe she was a working girl doing outcalls, but I don't know.  And I really don't care if girls are working or not, just don't leave your kids alone.  Use your nightly income to pay for a sitter.

Now she did ask us if the older one could go get her coat out of the room.  We weren't going to let her get cold outside, so we let her in to get it.  She also asked if she could get her sisters blanket, so we got that too.  But I drew the line at letting her get her mommy's computer.  Not going to get the most expensive items out of the room so she could skip.  I did have to tell the little one that I didn't want to have it get damaged so we needed to leave it in the room where it was safe.

Thought we were going to have to call the cops on her for both non-payment and child welfare issues.  I probably should've, but I didn't want to upset her anymore, the little one that is. 

At least the bitch had the common sense, which she obviously doesn't have much of, to bring the girls inside to stay warm while she was trying to find money.  Money finally arrived and she got into the room for one more night.  However, ran late on checking out in the morning.

I had left instructions for the night auditor to just call the police if she called the front desk about her mom being gone again and to also call me so I could keep the little one calm until they arrived.  My phone didn't ring, so either she wasn't working or the girls didn't wake up.

The things that could've happened to this girl because mom wasn't there is just awful to think about.  And if she comes back to the hotel, which apparently she's stayed with us a lot before, I'm going to try to keep tabs on the girls.  And if she bolts again, the police will be called.  I just can't handle people who don't take care of their kids.

You just don't leave little ones by themselves.  She was lucky that she wasn't staying at some flea bag, rent by the hour, dump to where who knows who would've showed up.  I'm still pissed off.  And if I see that bitch again, and the girls aren't with her, I'm so going to lay into her.  It'd be worth the write-up from the boss.

My god, kids disappear in situations where they are left alone.  Just last fall there was a little boy, a toddler, who disappeared when the mom left him in the car while she took the older girl with her to get "gas".  No one has seen him since.  I almost wonder if that bitch was related to the bitch from Friday.  Can you say Kaylee Anthony in the missing toddlers case?  And that woman hasn't even talked to the police since the first report of him being missing.  And this bitch from Friday put her little girl into a compromising position as well. 

My god.  I can't even give mine away, of course they aren't cute and little anymore, but The Boy can change a light bulb without a step-stool.  He's that tall.  He is for sale or rent to own, however, who ever takes him cannot return him.  Sorry no returns.

So listen people.  Don't leave your kids unattended.  Just don't do it.  Nope.  Not at all.  Never.  Or you just might hear the riot act from me.

Never piss off your bartender

Never.  Ever.  Piss off your bartender.  It won't get you anywhere.  Don't argue with them, you will not win.  You'll just make you look like a bigger ass that you are.  Seriously.

So the last two weekends have just been absolutely awful.  Ok, not every part of them.  Just parts.

For example, last Sunday night was the end of a trade show at the convention center near the hotel.  Now there were a couple of prima-donas at this show.  Typical for any big group.  There is always a couple that makes the whole group look difficult.  But the real fun started around 10:30 that night.

There was this guy who came into the bar.  Now as he seemed like he knew the people from the group I had thought that he was a part of them.  Wrong.  He apparently "was the lead singer for some local band".  Now this guy wasn't the lead singer for REO Speedwagon, he was in there the previous weekend.  I gave the fucktard a drink, he didn't seem all that messed up at that point.  But when I had come down from the kitchen with a food order, he was being all sorts of rude to the lady at the bar.

You don't do that.  Never.  Ever.  If you want to be an ass, do it at another bar.

So as he was both being an ass, and appearing intoxicated, I think that one drink kinda pushed it over the edge, I cut him off.  Period.  The end.

But no.  This idiot had to argue with me about it.  Tried to tell me that he wasn't fucked up, and therefore there was no need to cut him off.  Yeah right.  When you use that argument, you need to be cut off.

When I tried to tell him that he wasn't going to get anything else to drink.  He continued the argument.  Told me that if I was in Chicago, I wouldn't have to worry about cutting him off, I wouldn't lose my job for over serving.  Yeah right.  Guess what asshole?  We aren't in Chicago.  Besides, the bartender is the one in charge here, not you.

So he proceeded to call me a pussy for not standing up to the government and to just serve him another. 

What the fuck?  Really?  Call me a pussy?  Yeah, that'll get you a drink for sure.

Don't argue with the bartender, you will not win.  Oh, and don't call them names either.  Won't get you anywhere.

Luckily on of our night auditors happened to be doing a walk around during this.  And so when I told this idiot for the umpteenth time that he was cut off, my auditor/security dude, came to the bar to play bad cop.

It took threatening to call the cops to get this guy out of the bar.  But who knows, maybe he liked the threat of handcuffs.

When I told the boss about this, the first thing I was asked was if I clocked him.  Now as much as I wanted to, I didn't.  I didn't want to lose my job or break a nail.  As breaking a nail would've really pissed me off.

So in a nutshell, don't piss off your bartender.  Don't insult other customers at the bar.  And, one more thing.  Just because your short, leave the Chihuahua syndrome at home.  We don't allow little dogs there.

What not to wear....

You ever feel like you have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear?  Well, apparently I did.  Really did.  I decided today that I would start weeding out the stuff I don't want in the closet.  Ok, project started.  Donation pile started.  Then comes trouble.  No, not in the form of the show What Not To Wear.  It was in the form of an 18yo girl.

Yes, Shortie decided to come in and help.  Which wasn't too bad.

Except for the following comments:

OMG, what decade was this from?

Shoulder pads?  You've got to be kidding.

That's so 80's.

That only looked good in the 90's.

Really, that came from the early 2000's, ew.

And one of my favorites:  Really, this was 'in' during the 80's.  Did no one have any fashion sense?

Well, we managed to fill 8 donation bags so far, the dresser has yet to be tackled, and 2 garbage bags with wire hangers, and things with bad elastic.  I know, don't hang your clothes on wire hangers.  Damn Mommy Dearest.

And with what is left of the business clothes, I get asked "how come you don't wear this more often?".  Well darling, I'm a bartender, I wear black head-to-toe, and I really don't want to wear business clothes on my days off.  Jeans and t-shirts are fine with me.  The nice stuff is saved for if there is something more important than running errands.  Besides, skirts and the like, would require pantyhose.  And may I say "ew" to that.  If I need to, I'll do it.  But not for Target.  Jeez.

Of course, now we have to go shopping for clothes now.  Which I'm actually not that fond of doing anymore.  Ok, its not that bad, sometimes.  Until, that is, you find something you like but either looks awful when not on the hanger or the 18yo says "ew".

Back to work... trying to get into the swing of things

Well, after surviving Norwescon, I'm back to work.  What an adjustment after being gone for a whole week.  Its been interesting trying to get my balancing skills back, who knew how heavy those trays really are after you've taken some time off.  I must be getting weak.  Note to self, hit the workout room at next con.

And thank god its baseball season, I'm so sick of basketball.  I know its getting into the playoffs, but let it end already.

Ok, so I'm not a sports nut, but I have watched more sports in the last 3+ years than I probably have in my whole life.  However, I've decided that I really only like football and baseball.  I understand those.  They make sense.

Baseball - Hit little ball, run like hell while hoping no one catches the damn thing.

Football - Keep ball away from other team while hoping not to get run over by other team.

Basic, right?  Umps and refs to keep it relatively calm, occasional fight does break out.

Unlike some sports where fighting seems to be the objective.  Such as hockey.  As they say, you go to a fight and a hockey game breaks out.  I don't get it.  You are playing a sport that is just already damn dangerous.  You've got really sharp blades on your feet, big ass sticks in your hands, and a little black thing that goes damn fast, and now you want to throw punches?  Just don't get it.  Guys, if you want to experience that much pain, do a bikini wax.  Its less bloody and you get to keep all your teeth.

I must be tired from working.  How does one go from getting back to work to waxing instead of hockey?  Maybe I just need a beer.

Norwescon - Days 2, 3 and beyond

As you can tell, I was obviously having too much fun to do an update on the rest of the weekend until now. 

I woke up on Friday feeling much better.  The only issues Friday morning were:  Dipshit kitty (aka Stickers) decided to pee on my bed while I was sleeping (thank god it didn't go all the way to the mattress.  Bless the housekeeper who got me all new bedding really quick).  I clogged the toilet emptying the litter box, who knew that particular brand of clumping litter wasn't flushable.  Got The Boy a roll away bed, for a small fee per night, because the people who wanted me to put the air mattress in the car didn't check for the pump and never told me that we didn't have it.

Finally got to attend some panels that day.  Yay.  Although the panels this year weren't quite as interesting to me as other years, they weren't too bad.  That afternoon my good friend (who we will call T) arrived with her husband S, and their son S2.  First con for them, we got to initiate them properly into the convention.  Of course the hotel helped with that as well.  Room not ready, no parking immediately available.  Ah, the wonderful part of con that no one likes.

T's son, S2, wanted to attend a panel (seminar like thing, usually they are an hour long or so), but as it was Flirting 101 and 18+ he couldn't go.  However, there was a zombie themed panel in the next room that he got to attend and loved it.  I was so glad about that as I didn't want to have him to not have fun.

Friday night, Red found T some costumes to borrow.  Luckily they are almost the same size.  And it looked amazing on her.  As I told T later, you can always find something to borrow from our group, there is enough costumes for a week between all the girls.

The dances were not as good as previous years, and I'm not sure where they are going with the programming of these but they need to fix it.  However, the Friday dance was delayed due to the Fannish Fetish Fashion Show.  Yes, its like it sounds.  The con used to have it in a different room, however this year they had it in the ballrooms where the dance is.  So needless to say, we went back to my room for a little refreshment.  Liquid style, of course. 

By the time we got back to the dance, they had already played The Time Warp, before midnight even (where the hell are they getting these dj's anyway).  This should NEVER be played before midnight, jeez what were they thinking.  When we walked in they were in the middle of Rasputin.  For those of you not in the loop, its a old song by Boney M about Rasputin, but the dance is done with everyone in a circle doing a chorus line type fast kick.  While this is going on, there usually is a performance by people who can do the Russian style kick where you are almost on the ground while kicking (I DON'T do this as I wouldn't be able to get up at all for a long time after that).  Then usually people who are in the center pull audience members out to do a festive style dance.  And guess who got pulled out?  That's right T did, by Red no less.  Welcome to con T.

Now the cats were fairly freaked out during Thursday and the first part of Friday, but Stickers came out from under the bed and was social with T and her hubby.  Which was nice.

Back to the room, time to crash...  Got to wake up on Saturday with no kitty presents on the bed.  Yay.  Still never enough sleep at this event.

Saturday started.  Damn T & S were up early, but they did make a panel or two that I had wanted to go to but just couldn't move that quickly in the morning.  It also doesn't help that the people who share my room, The Boy and Shortie, tend to sleep somewhat late in the morning so its dark and hard to get moving.  Enough coffee, a little Jameson and I was ready to start my day.  Hey, don't judge, its happy hour somewhere.

I went to a couple of panels, refilled the special coffee, and then wandered.  Checked on my art auction pieces, ok still top bidder.  Met up with T & S at the autograph signing where a friend of mine that I had met at Paizocon at work last year, was signing his books.  As he is an author I will mention his name, Clinton Boomer, so if you are reading this, it was so awesome to run into you and thank you so much for the book.  When can we expect another one???

After running around, and getting nowhere near the pics I wanted to get (which seems to be fewer each year), landed back in the room where Shortie was doing homework.  Ended up falling asleep and missing the deadline to check again on my art pieces to see if I needed to up the bids.  Woke up to a person knocking on my door looking for the pet/slave auction.  The part that confused me was that they had mentioned a name that was the same as one of Shorties friends so it took me a minute or so to figure out that he wanted the room across the hall.  Nothing like having the IBT (Intergalactic Bank of Timbuktu) across the hall, really nice group of people though.

Then I got this brilliant idea of wearing a costume that requires assistance just to put on.  So I had to call T with a call to come rescue me, then I had to explain to her that I needed to have her tie me up.  Yes, this is one of the few places that you can call a friend to come tie you up and they don't bring ropes.

Got tied, and costume fixed, went to dance.  A little better on Saturday, but not like they've been at all.  However, we got to initiate T to not only The Time Warp, but also Sweet Transvestite.  If you aren't familiar with these, please grab a group of people and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  And then take that jump to the left.....

Now I did get shocked and surprised at the dance.  A teacher from Hogwarts asked me if there were any underage students that he could torture.  Of course, I didn't realize who the hell I was talking to.  It was a dear friend of mine that I have known for years.  But he had shaved off the goatee, damn he looks so different without it.  But he did look kinda like Professor Snape.
Rescued one of the girls from our group, got rid of the heels (what the hell was I thinking not bringing flats that weren't slippers), got another drink (isn't it happy hour somewhere?), and went to find T & S.  Thought they went to their room, so Shortie and I went to see them.  No answer.  What in the world are they doing asleep at almost 2am?  Went back our room, got something to eat and watched Dan Savage on MTV.  Who knew that there was informational TV like that on after 2am on the TV?

So unfortunately Sunday rolled around.  I never like Sunday, the weekend always ends too quickly.  Its kinda sad as some of your friends you only see once a year, even the ones who live locally.

I went to see if I won any of the pieces I bid on, and sadly I lost 2 of them.  But 1 of 3 isn't too bad.  I have our memberships for next year.  Get to book rooms next week.  Is it con 2013 yet?

Here are some pics of prior Norwescons, I haven't gotten the pics from this year of the phone and on to the computer yet, will soon.  But this will give you an idea of the fun we have.

Day 1 - Norwescon

The kids and I attend a sci-fi/fantasy convention every year called Norwescon.  Its a conglomeration of all sorts of sci-fi (Star Trek, Star Wars, etc.) and fantasy stuff like renfair things, vampires, monsters, dragons, and anything else you can think of.

So far, I have run into the usual friends, and even one that was at Paizocon, which is a gaming convention held at where I work until this year.  Paizocon has outgrown our hotel space so I won't be seeing them unless I stop by after work at the hotel they are at.

Bar is open.  Drinks have been poured.  Cookies have been found.  Cats are hiding, I don't think they really enjoyed leaving the house, but they needed to be taken care of.  I've never heard Stickers whine quite so much as she did in the car today.  She thinks that's bad, wait until the leash and harness come out.

But alas, the night ended on a sad note.  No matter what I wore or how hot the room was I couldn't get warmed up.  Then while getting something off the floor my ear started to hurt.  Lovely, I hope its not the start of an ear infection.

Going to bed now, will post this tomorrow.  Take care all, and remember...

Its just a jump to the left.....

There's a sticker on Stickers butt

Shortie and I did some shopping today.  Got some stuff for con, the house, and of course, con stuff for Stickers.  As you know, we will be taking her with us this year.  And therefore she needs her own con gear, BJ isn't being tortured given any con gear as he won't be leaving the room.

The perfect con-kitty needs her own leash, got it.  Black, of course.  And big enough for Shortie to decorate with thingies for next year, providing the cat lets us live after this year.

Kitty needs a collar.  Done.  Even has spikes.  Yes, definitely con-kitty gear.  And its other purpose is to stab her humans while they sleep.  Note to self, remove collar from cat prior to going to bed.

Harness, got that one too.  But being in true cat-like form, Stickers showed her complete disdain with our choice by "having" difficulty walking.  Ok, so she waddled like it was pantyhose or something.  Harness gets exchanged tomorrow for another one, as the cat model goes around the neck and she would probably do better with a dog one that doesn't.

And of course, what con-kitty couldn't leave home without is the sticker on the butt.  Ok, the sticker wasn't planned for Stickers butt, but she ended up wearing one.  The sticker happened to come from the harness, kinda funny when she didn't want to wear that and yet the sticker was apparently ok.  The funniest words I have ever heard were from Shortie today when she said "There's a sticker on Stickers butt". 

Now this poor, upset and very put out kitty was glaring at the two of us.  Because not only did she have the harness on, a sticker stuck to her, but we were laughing at her.  And this was after the humiliating walk to the mailbox to "test" out the bondage safety equipment for her so she could go with us to con.  What she doesn't know is that she will also have to ride in a carrier to get there.  Poor abused kitty.  Note to self, give kitty lots of treats before bed so I don't get smothered loved to death by her.

Ah, the joys of taking cats to con.  Kinda like taking a teenage girl to con, but with less luggage.  If you see a black furball with a leash on and a 18yo girl chasing her down the halls, they probably belong to me.  Then again, maybe they don't.