Dear Douchebag...

My Dearest Douchebag,

For those of you who have been wondering what I have been ranting about for the last couple of weeks, this is what it is.  For those of you whom I haven't talked to about it, I really don't want to have a discussion with you either, if I change my mind I'll let you know.  No names will be given, but those that know me will know who I am talking about.  And hopefully the db (douchebag) will read this, but I doubt it.

You my friend are a liar and cheater.  We have been friends for 13 years now, of which we were friends for 6 years before the first time we ever went out.  We've been through a lot of things, we've dealt with bad relationships and commiserated about said things.  So why start lying to me now.  I've never lied to you, and yet you choose to lie to me.

You said it was nothing but sex.  But dear, you really need to look at it again.  Fwb don't act like you did. 

They don't take care of you when you are sick, or hold your hair when getting sick.  They don't let you stay the night and if you do, usually don't make coffee for you. 

They definitely don't have you come over in the middle of the night at the butt crack of dawn, they prefer not to have their sleep disturbed. 

They don't let you sleep in because you worked into the wee hours of the morning, they'd prefer you'd just leave right away.

They don't come to your work just to visit when you are one break, let alone compliment you while there, telling you they love your hair a certain way and a certain color.

They don't watch you in the doorway while you get ready to go out.

They don't hold you when you watch a movie or tv on the couch.

They don't let you hang out while waiting to pick up your teenager when you have to go run errands.

They don't let you borrow your car when its in the shop.  Nor do they trust your teenager to learn how to drive a stick in the truck you just put a new transmission into.

They don't lend you money to pay for driver's ed.

They don't say that they care when having a conversation about this same status question.  If you really were a fwb you wouldn't care, let alone tell me you did.

They don't spend Christmas with you at their place.

Shall I go on?  I could you know.  But this is just a small summary of what you've been doing for the last 1 1/2 years.  Not to mention what you did for the year we went out before that.

Does the new lady know that when your ex-wife would threaten divorce you'd try to get me to sleep with you?  Did you notice that I wouldn't do that until the papers were filed?  Does she know that you "don't do kids"?  Which is one of the reasons why we didn't got out very long the first time, that and your now ex-wife came back into the picture.

Did she even know that we were still going out when you got together with her?  I hope she does realize that you really aren't that faithful.

Why when I asked you if there was someone else when you dumped me right before Christmas you lied and said it was just you not wanting me to love you?  You lied to me, but I've never lied to you.  If you ever asked me anything, I always gave you a straight, honest answer. 

You also told me I knew the anwer, but I didn't.  I wanted you to tell me what the answer really was, and you didn't.  You lied.

You once told me, that by asking for an answer that I was risking any future friendship with you.  Yet you lied to me.  How is that my risking our long friendship?  Wouldn't your lies be risking it?  Or do you just prefer to blame it one someone else?

I do know why your ex left you a post-it on your computer asking for a divorce.  Smart lady, flakey yes, but smart.  And did you notice that when Miss Flake asked for a divorce I didn't say I told you so.  I was suprised she too that long due to her leaving you after patching things up for a few months.

Yes, I did tell you to grow a set of balls and be honest.  But I guess that's impossible for you, the honesty that is.  If you ever want to be honest with me, you know how to find me.

There all done.  I think I covered everything, if not I came pretty close to it.

Michelle

P.S.  Thanks to you I'm finally losing the weight I was trying to lose (the only really good thing to come of this).

P.P.S.  For those of you I haven't talked to in person about it, please don't ask, and don't gossip behind my back about it either.