Demon kitteh, personal assistant

So this little ball of black fur known as the demon kitteh has a new habit.  She has to help with most things in the bathroom.  Apparently I do not know how to properly brush my teeth, brush my hair, get dressed, etc.  And being the dedicated kitteh she is, she insists on showing me how to do everything.

At first it was cute.  The kitteh is standing on the toilet with her paws up for attention, and as long as I pet her she was happy.  That was a couple of weeks ago.  Now it is on the counter, leaning on me and guiding the toothbrush.  Ok, she thinks she is guiding but that is not really what is happening.  And god forbid I move from the sink, thats when the serious looks of disgust begin.  How dare I move from her immediate reach.  Don't I know, that as a silly human, I can't do anything by myself?  She knows when I'm to stop, the toothbrush signals (gotta love electric ones).  As soon as it signals, she is off the counter and waiting for me to get dressed. 

Of course she has to help with that too.  Does she not realize that I did all these things myself before she decided that I needed a babysitter to assist with them?  She helps with make-up, curling irons and flat irons.  However, she hates the hairdryer.  That is just way too noisy for her.  Is there a way to make it so that the curling iron makes that noise?

She also assists when I'm on the laptop, playing on my phone, trying to read.  I obviously need assistance with everything.  What she doesn't realize is the only assistance I need is her out of the way.  Sitting on the keyboard looking cute will win her loves, but only so I can remove said kitteh from the keyboard.

How did I ever survive without the help of this very dedicated assistant?  I survived quite well actually.  Just don't tell her, she'll never believe you.

Christmas shopping and other not so joys of the season

So every year I tell myself that I'm going to start early.  Christmas shopping that is.  Yeah right, never happens.  The few times I've done this I hide them, only to find them way after Christmas, sometimes in time for next Christmas.  So I started really hitting the shopping two days ago. 

Now I really don't like the malls.  Too many people and too many rude ones.  I used to like the malls and then found amazon.  But luckily my days off are in the middle of the week so it isn't too bad.  But just barely, and I have to finish next week.

Also the kids are at the stage where they are getting kinda hard to shop for.  Mainly because I get the wish lists really late.  Kids, I'd like the lists in, oh say, August.  That'll give me time to shop, hide, lose and reshop for your gifts.  But a mom can dream. 

Stocking stuffers for them are the hardest.  When they were little, crayons, small toys and silly string worked.  Now its, OMG what am I going to get.  What candy do they still like?  What are the ingredients, as the girls have developed food issues.  Ugh.  Ok two are of legal age, maybe airplane size booze bottles would work.  But which ones?  This is going to be as bad as finding candy they will eat.

I have a wonderful boyfriend this year that I get to shop for.  But what to get the guy who has whatever he needs and the wishlist contains things that I can't afford and have not a clue where to find some of the items on the list.  He doesn't eat a lot of sweets, so candy is out (I'd end up eating a lot of it).  Buying clothes for men is out, too hard to do, they can shop for themselves. Just kidding, if you gave me sizes and whatnot, I'd love to shop for you.  You like pink and purple, right? 

Wrapping is a whole other subject.  I've been lucky and Shortie has been my elf in charge of this.  I used to really enjoy it, but midnight wrapping sessions fighting with cats has somehow stopped that.  This year maybe I can keep them away long enough to do that.  How much would Shortie charge me to tackle this project for me?  I'll have to see if she is available for hire again.  She's almost 20 so slave labor is probably not an option and its going to cost me.  Or maybe I'll just get a bottle of wine and tackle it myself.

I did break down and get an elf on the shelf.  Not for home, the kids aren't going to buy the Santa is watching you thing anymore.  But I got it for work.  Maybe if the customers drink enough, I can keep them in line with the Santa is watching line.  The elf is having fun at work though.  He was on a shelf behaving himself when I left one day last week, and when I came in the next day he was playing on the beer taps.  We could have a very drunk elf if we don't keep an eye on him.  So Mr. Elf, no drinking and climbing the Christmas trees in the restaurant anymore.  That would be a sad day if someone found him dangling from the branches.

It's been awhile

So it's been an interesting year so far.  New kitten, new boyfriend, Shortie has a license and a car, The Boy has a permit.

So last 4th of July, not only was dipshit kitteh freaked out due to the fireworks.  Shortie texted to say that the reservation where they were doing fireworks at got closed due to idiots, she came home with a surprise.  So she walked in the door with her hoodie backwards.  While holding the hood she told me "look what I brought home".  My first thought was "oh god the bomb squad will be showing up next".  Instead she pulled out a little black ball of fur.  Little did I know that it was a demon spawn from hell.  Ok, not that bad, but boy what a little shit.  Shortie named her Independence aka Indie, I just called her demon kitteh.

Did some overnight shifts with K from work due to staffing shortage.  Made for long days, but the overtime was worth it.  In fact, doing one tonight to people calling in with family emergencies.  Which worked as the transmission went out in my car in September.  I hate cars sometimes.  But at least Shortie had just gotten her car and was able to borrow another one so I could use hers to get to work.  Its a land yacht, 1981 Pontiac Bonneville, awesome car with lots of crunch room.

Spent the Christmas holiday home sick, but got really good leftovers sent home in a care package.  Mom didn't do a turkey this year, she did tri-tip roast, which if you haven't tried it you must.  That was a really nice change, hopefully she'll do it again this year.

Norwescon was a blast.  My friend T introduced my to cake vodka.  Want to talk about a dangerous alcohol, it doesn't even taste like booze, definately could get into trouble with that.  Finally had a new costume this year, after thinking I killed my mom's sewing machine.  That was a scary moment in time.  I also thought I had killed my brother's dog the same day.

Also have a really awesome new boyfriend, who hasn't run away screaming in fear yet.  Maybe the duct tape and restraints are working, for now.

Time to go back to work, sort of. 

Dipshit kitteh and fireworks don't mix

Poor Stickers, aka Dipshit kitteh.  This 4th of July has been rough on her.  She's finally asleep, I think, but maybe not to deeply with the war zone going on outside still.  Old man kitteh could care less.  They just don't seem to bother him.  Maybe its because we got him when the kids were little.  If you can survive that, fireworks are no big deal.

The dipshit kitteh hasn't left my side since they have begun. And wants me to hold her like a little baby. You know how hard it is to be on your laptop with a kitteh in your arms? But alas, that seems to be how it is going to go for the rest of the night.

Everytime that I've gone outside to watch the fireworks in the surrounding area she wants to go outside.  Then about 30 seconds later, after a boom, she's meowing to go back in.  Stupid kitteh.  Don't you know I tried telling you about the noise? 

At least the apartments I live in has banned them, with a risk of immediate eviction if caught setting them off.  Which is nice.  I'm a pyromaniac at heart, but there isn't enough space in an apartment parking lot to set stuff off without risking someone's car.  Of course, that didn't stop anyone last year, but has seemed to work this year.

Shortie went to a local reservation with friends to go blow everything up.  I'm glad we don't live near there for several reasons.  The fireworks and dipshit don't mix, and they have a really nice casino.  That could be really costly if I lived that close.  I don't live that far, but I don't like to fight the traffic to get there.  So that tends to limit my visits to about once or twice a year.  Although they do have a really good buffet.  Maybe I'll have to stop by on a day off soon.

Hopefully the booms will stop soon.  It is 11:30 already, and she is upset.  At least I don't work early mornings anymore, so going to bed late won't be a problem for me.  But the kitteh, different story.

Hope everyone had a fun 4th and still has all their fingers.

Keep an eye on your kids when in a parking lot watching fireworks

Tonight Shortie talked me into going out to watch the fireworks at Emerald Downs.  This is the horse race track here locally.  Now as we didn't want to actually go into the place, we went to the grocery store across from it.  Well, not directly across from it but with a really good view.  Apparently everyone comes to see the fireworks on the 3rd out here by the track.  And they are all over the city of Auburn.  Maybe not all over the city, but within viewing range of the track.

So we get to the grocery store parking lot where she goes every year with her friends to see the show, I was amazed (I don't know why it amazes me anymore) at how many kids were running around this parking lot without parental supervision.  Now this parking lot is not closed off to traffic, nor is it on a road never used.  Its actually off of one of the main streets that is incredibly busy.  We saw a child about 5 or 6 damn near go into the road while traffic goes by at 45mph.  WTF?  Do you not want your kid to make it through the night?  People lighting off fireworks in the parking lot and throwing them at people.  Do you NOT know that the city of Auburn has a fireworks ban?  Really?  Of course, several of these came really close to several of the cars.  Thank god we parked at the end where they weren't setting stuff off, as I might be in jail for decking some idiot who sent one near my vehicle.

Oh.  It gets better.  One of Shortie's friends made it to the show.  So we gave her a ride back to her place, which wasn't far, but she was recovering from a cold and it was chilly and dark out.  After dropping her off we start down the road and what do we see?  A couple of adults with a little kid went running across the road.  Did I mention they were all wearing dark clothes?  Did I also mention that there was the crosswalk just on the other side of the build they were behind?  WTF?  Then as we approach that really busy road I mentioned earlier, some little kid (around 4 or 5yo) jumped off the sidewalk into the street.  Thank god I saw the kid when I did and I wasn't farther up the road, or it would've been a really bad situation.  That would've been horrible.  Of course, the parents would've sued even though they weren't paying any attention to this little one at almost 11pm.  Its dark out.  Watch your f-ing kids.  Some of us don't want to be responsible for hurting them, or god forbid, killing them.  Shortie wanted to jump out of the car to confront them, but she just settled on a rant about how some people just shouldn't breed.

Ok, I'm not a perfect parent.  I've never claimed to be one.  But my kids grew up knowing not to run in the street, and to hold an adults hand while out in public.  They do get embarrassed about that now that they are 18 and 19.  Ok, I really don't make them hold my hand anymore, they'd give me cooties at this point anyway.  When they were little, I taught all three to "touch" the car while I was getting them into it.  As there was usually one or more of them needing to get into car/booster seats, I'd put the littlest one at the time in first, then the rest.  Well, its kinda hard to put one in the car and hold onto the other one.  They knew that if they moved their hand off the car they were in big trouble.  It worked. 

People watch your kids.  You brought them into the world.  Don't let someone accidentally take them out of it.  If you want to be stupid, YOU run into the road and I'd be more than willing to hit you as you are worth points.

We don't tan, we rust...

As a lifetime resident of the lovely state of Washington, you'd think I'd be used to the rain, well I am used to it.  I'm even used to it when we probably shouldn't have it.  Like right now.  Its July 3rd at 4am (I know, I'm a vampire) and its pouring.  Really flipping, pouring.  Stickers, the dipshit kitteh, just came running thru the apartment meowing in fear because she was in my bedroom window and the wind caused the rain to hit her.  The window is partially open, its not really been warm enough for any length of time to need it open, but I like the fresh air and the window is a bitch to move so there it stays.

Everyone thinks it rains all the time in Washington, Seattle in particular.  Some years it does, some years it doesn't.  This is one of those years apparently.  I passed a boat on the 405 coming home tonight that was loaded with animals, lots of them.  Not sure where they were headed, but it looked like they were having fun.  Unlike the semi going UP the 405, with no traffic in front of them, with their brake lights on.  At least it looked like their brake lights, they were brighter than the normal running lights, and EVERYBODY (the two other cars in front of me) had to SLOW down before they could pass this dude.  And what do we all see?  No one.  That's right.  Not a single damned car or truck in this guys way.  Now if it were a downhill stretch I could understand.  But UP the hill?  Really?  I have friends who drive the big rigs, and I'm not 100% positive, but pretty sure that if they are going up a hill at 1am with no traffic in front of them (did I mention they were doing 45mph?), they wouldn't have their brakes on whilst going up the f-ing hill.  No, they weren't even exiting, which was my first original guess when I saw the bright lights WAY ahead of me.  Its amazing how quickly you can catch somepeople with your cruise control set to 63ish.  Ok, it says 65 but the needle reads 2mph more than the speed readers you see all over the roads these days, so I just go to 65 and hit the set button.

The funny part about this "summer" is the fact that the weather was better in the first part of June.  Which was very good as we had a graduation and a grad party that was primarily outside.  The ceremony wasn't, that was held in the Tacoma Dome, but the wonderful game of 'finding all the relatives and your child after' was outside, as was the party the next day.

Rain.  Gotta love it though.  I mean, where else can you rust instead of tan?  Wait, that could be the new state motto.  Welcome to Washington.  We don't tan, we rust.  But the ducks are happy as hell.  No not the Oregon variety, the feathered ones you can feed at the lake.  Now, were in the hell is the lifeboat?  Well, I am on the 3rd floor so maybe I won't need it tonight.

So I've finally upgraded...

Well, I've put off upgrading things for as long as I can.  I had to get a new phone as my old one decided that it didn't want to stay on during phone calls.   I can't believe that it decided to die after almost 6 1/2 years.  Aren't they supposed to last longer?  Really?  Are things that disposable?  So I got a smart phone, and I really do like it.  I managed to figure out how to hook up the blue tooth and get ringtones all by myself, but when I tried to answer a call it didn't work.  I kept pushing the damned green button and it didn't work.  So bless Shorties heart, when she came home she called the phone and showed me how to answer it, while rolling her eyes at me of course.  WTF?  You have to slide the green thingy across the screen?  Who the hell thought this thing up?  Everything else is just touch and it works.  Really?   Answering the phone isn't done the same way?  Why not?  And of course, I couldn't find THAT little bit of info in the instruction manual.  But, whatever.  It works now.  I can answer your phone calls, if I want to that is.

I went to pick up Shortie at work tonight, it is nice that she is working a late shift so I can get her when I'm done and she isn't waiting very long for me.  So she decided that she wanted to check out the games I had on the phone. The Flood-It frustrated her and instead of getting hooked on it (like I am) she turned that one off and went in search of something more her taste.  Bejeweled was her first choice.  She discovered that some apps are a pain to put on the phone, in that when you go play them or open them, you sometimes have to do all this other garbly-goop (real word I promise) to get to the damned game.  I found her a really cool version of the game, and as long as I can keep the phone away from her, I might even get to play it myself.  Jeez, some people's kids.  Wait, she's mine.  Damn.  Guess I'm going to have to share.

The second upgrade I've had to do in the last two weeks is to upgrade the cable.  Now this wasn't really my choice, we used to get our cable thru the apartment complex and it was part of the rent.  They, however, decided that it was easier for the tenants to deal with it on their own.  Not a really big deal, but as its not bulk anymore, the price is obviously more expensive.  I did get a screaming deal for digital though.  Amazingly it was cheaper than the expanded basic I had before.  I also now have the really cool guide on the tv, so no more tv guide channel or firing up the laptop to find out what is on.

What really amazes me though is how many channels are on infommercials at 4am.  Most of you probably aren't up this late, but as a bartender who keeps vampire hours, I'm up until 5am usually.  But there are at least 5 more channels I like that are working at this hour.  Yay.

And back to sharing new things, I had to fight to get the remote for the cable away from her so I could play with the new toy.  Why can't mom get to play with things first?  It's not like it's Christmas or birthday's when they get the cool stuff and get to play with them first.  It's my toy.  Let me play with it, or at least try to figure it out, before you have to show me how to make it work.

I know, I probably should have done these changes a long time ago, but I figure if it ain't broke don't fix it.  That and I'm cheap.  Why spend money if I don't need too.  I mean the more I can save by not upgrading means more M&M's I can buy.  Ok, I don't really buy that many M&M's, but you get the point.

Time to go play with the cool remote.  Hopefully I'll have at least half of the buttons figured out before she commandeers it again.