What not to wear....

You ever feel like you have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear?  Well, apparently I did.  Really did.  I decided today that I would start weeding out the stuff I don't want in the closet.  Ok, project started.  Donation pile started.  Then comes trouble.  No, not in the form of the show What Not To Wear.  It was in the form of an 18yo girl.

Yes, Shortie decided to come in and help.  Which wasn't too bad.

Except for the following comments:

OMG, what decade was this from?

Shoulder pads?  You've got to be kidding.

That's so 80's.

That only looked good in the 90's.

Really, that came from the early 2000's, ew.

And one of my favorites:  Really, this was 'in' during the 80's.  Did no one have any fashion sense?

Well, we managed to fill 8 donation bags so far, the dresser has yet to be tackled, and 2 garbage bags with wire hangers, and things with bad elastic.  I know, don't hang your clothes on wire hangers.  Damn Mommy Dearest.

And with what is left of the business clothes, I get asked "how come you don't wear this more often?".  Well darling, I'm a bartender, I wear black head-to-toe, and I really don't want to wear business clothes on my days off.  Jeans and t-shirts are fine with me.  The nice stuff is saved for if there is something more important than running errands.  Besides, skirts and the like, would require pantyhose.  And may I say "ew" to that.  If I need to, I'll do it.  But not for Target.  Jeez.

Of course, now we have to go shopping for clothes now.  Which I'm actually not that fond of doing anymore.  Ok, its not that bad, sometimes.  Until, that is, you find something you like but either looks awful when not on the hanger or the 18yo says "ew".

Back to work... trying to get into the swing of things

Well, after surviving Norwescon, I'm back to work.  What an adjustment after being gone for a whole week.  Its been interesting trying to get my balancing skills back, who knew how heavy those trays really are after you've taken some time off.  I must be getting weak.  Note to self, hit the workout room at next con.

And thank god its baseball season, I'm so sick of basketball.  I know its getting into the playoffs, but let it end already.

Ok, so I'm not a sports nut, but I have watched more sports in the last 3+ years than I probably have in my whole life.  However, I've decided that I really only like football and baseball.  I understand those.  They make sense.

Baseball - Hit little ball, run like hell while hoping no one catches the damn thing.

Football - Keep ball away from other team while hoping not to get run over by other team.

Basic, right?  Umps and refs to keep it relatively calm, occasional fight does break out.

Unlike some sports where fighting seems to be the objective.  Such as hockey.  As they say, you go to a fight and a hockey game breaks out.  I don't get it.  You are playing a sport that is just already damn dangerous.  You've got really sharp blades on your feet, big ass sticks in your hands, and a little black thing that goes damn fast, and now you want to throw punches?  Just don't get it.  Guys, if you want to experience that much pain, do a bikini wax.  Its less bloody and you get to keep all your teeth.

I must be tired from working.  How does one go from getting back to work to waxing instead of hockey?  Maybe I just need a beer.

Norwescon - Days 2, 3 and beyond

As you can tell, I was obviously having too much fun to do an update on the rest of the weekend until now. 

I woke up on Friday feeling much better.  The only issues Friday morning were:  Dipshit kitty (aka Stickers) decided to pee on my bed while I was sleeping (thank god it didn't go all the way to the mattress.  Bless the housekeeper who got me all new bedding really quick).  I clogged the toilet emptying the litter box, who knew that particular brand of clumping litter wasn't flushable.  Got The Boy a roll away bed, for a small fee per night, because the people who wanted me to put the air mattress in the car didn't check for the pump and never told me that we didn't have it.

Finally got to attend some panels that day.  Yay.  Although the panels this year weren't quite as interesting to me as other years, they weren't too bad.  That afternoon my good friend (who we will call T) arrived with her husband S, and their son S2.  First con for them, we got to initiate them properly into the convention.  Of course the hotel helped with that as well.  Room not ready, no parking immediately available.  Ah, the wonderful part of con that no one likes.

T's son, S2, wanted to attend a panel (seminar like thing, usually they are an hour long or so), but as it was Flirting 101 and 18+ he couldn't go.  However, there was a zombie themed panel in the next room that he got to attend and loved it.  I was so glad about that as I didn't want to have him to not have fun.

Friday night, Red found T some costumes to borrow.  Luckily they are almost the same size.  And it looked amazing on her.  As I told T later, you can always find something to borrow from our group, there is enough costumes for a week between all the girls.

The dances were not as good as previous years, and I'm not sure where they are going with the programming of these but they need to fix it.  However, the Friday dance was delayed due to the Fannish Fetish Fashion Show.  Yes, its like it sounds.  The con used to have it in a different room, however this year they had it in the ballrooms where the dance is.  So needless to say, we went back to my room for a little refreshment.  Liquid style, of course. 

By the time we got back to the dance, they had already played The Time Warp, before midnight even (where the hell are they getting these dj's anyway).  This should NEVER be played before midnight, jeez what were they thinking.  When we walked in they were in the middle of Rasputin.  For those of you not in the loop, its a old song by Boney M about Rasputin, but the dance is done with everyone in a circle doing a chorus line type fast kick.  While this is going on, there usually is a performance by people who can do the Russian style kick where you are almost on the ground while kicking (I DON'T do this as I wouldn't be able to get up at all for a long time after that).  Then usually people who are in the center pull audience members out to do a festive style dance.  And guess who got pulled out?  That's right T did, by Red no less.  Welcome to con T.

Now the cats were fairly freaked out during Thursday and the first part of Friday, but Stickers came out from under the bed and was social with T and her hubby.  Which was nice.

Back to the room, time to crash...  Got to wake up on Saturday with no kitty presents on the bed.  Yay.  Still never enough sleep at this event.

Saturday started.  Damn T & S were up early, but they did make a panel or two that I had wanted to go to but just couldn't move that quickly in the morning.  It also doesn't help that the people who share my room, The Boy and Shortie, tend to sleep somewhat late in the morning so its dark and hard to get moving.  Enough coffee, a little Jameson and I was ready to start my day.  Hey, don't judge, its happy hour somewhere.

I went to a couple of panels, refilled the special coffee, and then wandered.  Checked on my art auction pieces, ok still top bidder.  Met up with T & S at the autograph signing where a friend of mine that I had met at Paizocon at work last year, was signing his books.  As he is an author I will mention his name, Clinton Boomer, so if you are reading this, it was so awesome to run into you and thank you so much for the book.  When can we expect another one???

After running around, and getting nowhere near the pics I wanted to get (which seems to be fewer each year), landed back in the room where Shortie was doing homework.  Ended up falling asleep and missing the deadline to check again on my art pieces to see if I needed to up the bids.  Woke up to a person knocking on my door looking for the pet/slave auction.  The part that confused me was that they had mentioned a name that was the same as one of Shorties friends so it took me a minute or so to figure out that he wanted the room across the hall.  Nothing like having the IBT (Intergalactic Bank of Timbuktu) across the hall, really nice group of people though.

Then I got this brilliant idea of wearing a costume that requires assistance just to put on.  So I had to call T with a call to come rescue me, then I had to explain to her that I needed to have her tie me up.  Yes, this is one of the few places that you can call a friend to come tie you up and they don't bring ropes.

Got tied, and costume fixed, went to dance.  A little better on Saturday, but not like they've been at all.  However, we got to initiate T to not only The Time Warp, but also Sweet Transvestite.  If you aren't familiar with these, please grab a group of people and watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  And then take that jump to the left.....

Now I did get shocked and surprised at the dance.  A teacher from Hogwarts asked me if there were any underage students that he could torture.  Of course, I didn't realize who the hell I was talking to.  It was a dear friend of mine that I have known for years.  But he had shaved off the goatee, damn he looks so different without it.  But he did look kinda like Professor Snape.
Rescued one of the girls from our group, got rid of the heels (what the hell was I thinking not bringing flats that weren't slippers), got another drink (isn't it happy hour somewhere?), and went to find T & S.  Thought they went to their room, so Shortie and I went to see them.  No answer.  What in the world are they doing asleep at almost 2am?  Went back our room, got something to eat and watched Dan Savage on MTV.  Who knew that there was informational TV like that on after 2am on the TV?

So unfortunately Sunday rolled around.  I never like Sunday, the weekend always ends too quickly.  Its kinda sad as some of your friends you only see once a year, even the ones who live locally.

I went to see if I won any of the pieces I bid on, and sadly I lost 2 of them.  But 1 of 3 isn't too bad.  I have our memberships for next year.  Get to book rooms next week.  Is it con 2013 yet?

Here are some pics of prior Norwescons, I haven't gotten the pics from this year of the phone and on to the computer yet, will soon.  But this will give you an idea of the fun we have.

Day 1 - Norwescon

The kids and I attend a sci-fi/fantasy convention every year called Norwescon.  Its a conglomeration of all sorts of sci-fi (Star Trek, Star Wars, etc.) and fantasy stuff like renfair things, vampires, monsters, dragons, and anything else you can think of.

So far, I have run into the usual friends, and even one that was at Paizocon, which is a gaming convention held at where I work until this year.  Paizocon has outgrown our hotel space so I won't be seeing them unless I stop by after work at the hotel they are at.

Bar is open.  Drinks have been poured.  Cookies have been found.  Cats are hiding, I don't think they really enjoyed leaving the house, but they needed to be taken care of.  I've never heard Stickers whine quite so much as she did in the car today.  She thinks that's bad, wait until the leash and harness come out.

But alas, the night ended on a sad note.  No matter what I wore or how hot the room was I couldn't get warmed up.  Then while getting something off the floor my ear started to hurt.  Lovely, I hope its not the start of an ear infection.

Going to bed now, will post this tomorrow.  Take care all, and remember...

Its just a jump to the left.....

There's a sticker on Stickers butt

Shortie and I did some shopping today.  Got some stuff for con, the house, and of course, con stuff for Stickers.  As you know, we will be taking her with us this year.  And therefore she needs her own con gear, BJ isn't being tortured given any con gear as he won't be leaving the room.

The perfect con-kitty needs her own leash, got it.  Black, of course.  And big enough for Shortie to decorate with thingies for next year, providing the cat lets us live after this year.

Kitty needs a collar.  Done.  Even has spikes.  Yes, definitely con-kitty gear.  And its other purpose is to stab her humans while they sleep.  Note to self, remove collar from cat prior to going to bed.

Harness, got that one too.  But being in true cat-like form, Stickers showed her complete disdain with our choice by "having" difficulty walking.  Ok, so she waddled like it was pantyhose or something.  Harness gets exchanged tomorrow for another one, as the cat model goes around the neck and she would probably do better with a dog one that doesn't.

And of course, what con-kitty couldn't leave home without is the sticker on the butt.  Ok, the sticker wasn't planned for Stickers butt, but she ended up wearing one.  The sticker happened to come from the harness, kinda funny when she didn't want to wear that and yet the sticker was apparently ok.  The funniest words I have ever heard were from Shortie today when she said "There's a sticker on Stickers butt". 

Now this poor, upset and very put out kitty was glaring at the two of us.  Because not only did she have the harness on, a sticker stuck to her, but we were laughing at her.  And this was after the humiliating walk to the mailbox to "test" out the bondage safety equipment for her so she could go with us to con.  What she doesn't know is that she will also have to ride in a carrier to get there.  Poor abused kitty.  Note to self, give kitty lots of treats before bed so I don't get smothered loved to death by her.

Ah, the joys of taking cats to con.  Kinda like taking a teenage girl to con, but with less luggage.  If you see a black furball with a leash on and a 18yo girl chasing her down the halls, they probably belong to me.  Then again, maybe they don't.

Beware... pussycats are invading Norwescon

What do you do when you have an old cat (who can only eat wet food) and have no one to take care of him while you go to Norwescon?  What else?  You take him with you, of course.  And then what do you do with the dipshit kitty (aka Stickers) who will be lonely without him?  Bring her too. 

This is going to be a very interesting convention.

First of all, these are indoor kitties.  Although dipshit likes to go outside for "supervised" playtime, and she will go down the stairs, but the minute a car goes through the parking lot and playtime is done.  She is at the door with wide eyes, crying to be let in.  So we are taking this cat with us,as well.  I must be insane.

Now Shortie is so excited about this, as we have to get a leash and harness for the furball.  Of course, according to her, it must have spikes or be able to be modified into something steampunkish.  Conkitteh on the attack.  I hope I bring enough alcohol for this. 

Take one 18yo girl, one freaked out kitty, add a little steampunk costuming, and you have instant fun.  Not for Stickers, though.  Girl yes, cat no.

I was also informed that said girl would be taking the kitty out into the crowds (there will be about 3,000 people attending) and asking if people would like to pet her pussy.  Get your minds out of the gutter, she will be handing them the cat while she is asking this.  We are talking about cats, the four-legged kind.  Now where did I put the booze?

BJ will be hiding under a bed the whole time, and I don't even want to take him into the lobby as it'll probably give him a heartattack.  He's a big wuss, which is ok.  At least under the bed he will be safe from Shortie and her adventures.

And then there will be the issue of housekeeping.  Poor Stickers will have to stay crated so they don't accidentally let her out.  Unless I can convince her to stay under the bed with BJ, which might be possible if Shortie takes her out and about on Thurs.

The complications that I didn't even think of when I decided to bring them.  Am I going to have enough booze for this?

Yes, this will be my vacation, and my time to party.  Which is why we stay at the hotel vs. driving the 10 min. from home to go to it.  No worries about DUI's, easy changing for the girls, no fighting for parking.  The only worry I'm going to have is, have we lost a pussy at con.  And yes, that is another line she is pondering if Red has the kitty, the "have you seen my pussy?" line.  Get your minds back out of the gutter, she's talking about a cat for gods sake.  Jeez.  Some peoples kids.

But that's my girls.  It makes me proud.  I just hope they don't say that near me, because I won't be able to stop laughing.

I'll keep you posted how the cat adventure went after con.  And for those of you who are attending, feel free to ask her if she knows where her pussy(cat) is.  Back out of the gutter, jeez. 

The craziest things happen at work

Ok, I work in a hotel restaurant/bar, so you tend to see some really strange and unusual things.  Now most of the strangness doesn't happen on the full moon, for me its always halfway between the full moons.  Seriously, the nuts must be practicing on me for the full moon.

Such as one weekend last year around the end of summer, I had an experience that I was amazed I was able to keep a straight face.  And trust me it was really difficult to do.

That weekend, on the Saturday night, I had a lady come into the bar in a pink velor tracksuit with a can of beer in her hand.  Now the tracksuit alone should've been enough not to serve her, but I didn't hold that one against her.  She had no shoes on and spilt her can of beer on the wall by the bar.  I informed her that as she didn't have shoes she had to leave.  Since she told me she was headed to her room, I had hope that she would stay there.  She was so plastered.  But no, she had to come back with flip-flops on and a beer in her hand.  Damn. 

She wanted a beer and a shot, so I had to inform her that due to her being obviously intoxicated I couldn't serve her.  I was then informed by the "pink crazy lady", which became her nickname for the weekend that she wasn't drunk but had a bad day.  I've had bad days, and I've gone out in sweats and such, but really?  To a bar?  To Safeway yes, but bar no.  She then tried to drink her beer, which as she was drunk didn't realize that not only was the can opening on the wrong side but it was still closed.

Case closed?  Not.  She returned.  And this time she wanted a shot of tequila, like that was going to happen.  I told her I still couldn't serve her.  As she was leaving, she told one of the guys at the bar (which was rather full that night) not to laugh at her as it wasn't nice.  He told her he wasn't laughing at her but at the TV.  Thank god we had Katt Williams on Comedy Central playing and it wasn't on a commercial when she said it or it wouldn't have been believable.  On her way out she flattened herself to the wall.  Because when you press yourself against the wall you become invisible.  I so wish that were true.  The guy she accused of laughing at her asked if she was still there and I said I could see her through her magical pink tracksuit at the wall.  When she was gone I locked the doors.

So when one of the guys wanted to go out for a smoke I let him out with the door unlocked so he could get back in on the condition that he didn't let the crazy lady back in.  And guess who came to smoke with him?  Yup, the crazy lady.  So being the nice guy he was, when he was done he told her the door was locked and he was going back to his room (through a different door).  And when he came back down he hid and asked me if she was still there, of course she was.  As soon as she was gone, door locked again and he returned to his drinking.

Long ass paperwork describing all this to the boss to protect my ass on this in case she complained the next day.  Of course, I didn't realize she had already complained to the auditor that I "hurt her feelings" by not serving her.  Just doing my job you ding-dong.  Of course she apparently couldn't talk without slurring her words during this complaint.

End of Saturday, end of adventure?  No, not even close.  Nope.  No way.

It was freaky Sunday that next night.  Now, I don't mind what people do, or what their beliefs are as long as they don't hurt anyone else.  I don't care if they are gay, straight, bi, trans-sexual, green, purple, from another planet.  Doesn't bother me.  What does bother me is having to remove a person from the hotel who is attempting to kick in a room door.  The funny part of it was, she was one of two "ladies" from Vegas.  Now if she was post-op or has had any cosmetic work done, she needs to talk to that surgeon, they really sucked at the work then.

I was called at the bar to assist with a 'situation' (how I hate getting a call that 'we have a situation').  This guest had yelled at the first front desk girl to approach her, was laying in the middle of the hallway when the second front desk gal went up.  So I was called.  As a supervisor I have rank, I suppose, but I think they'd have called me anyway.  By the time I got upstairs, she was on the phone, crying and drinking a beer.  She asked if I had a master key to get her into the room, and I told her if she had her ID and her name was on the room we could get her a key made.  She emptied her purse looking for it, couldn't find it or the key, and when I handed her the eyeliner she had forgotten to put away, it got thrown down the hall.  Ok, I was done with her at this point.  I took her downstairs thinking she would go the desk, but she left to go to the restaurant next door.  On her way she stopped this nice looking blonde lady, and I thought "oh god, now we'll get a complaint from a guest about a drunk person stopping them in the parking lot".  As I got the door for her, asked her how her night was going, she replied with a very deep voice "ok".  The roommate I thought.  Ok safe on complaints there.

We locked the doors, with the instruction from me to call the police if she started causing a ruckus outside.  End of story?  I wish.

I get a visit about 30 - 45 minutes later from the local police at the bar.  Apparently the roommate needed her removed.  Jeez, what the hell did I miss now?  Got her removed, tresspass order placed, all calm.

Next full moom came and went with no drama at all.  What the hell?  Nope, none.  In fact no weird stuff for awhile.

Last month, between the full moons chaos resumed...

Friday - Had to move a guest from her original room due to fear of a abusive boyfriend.  Why do they stay with us?  Got her safely tucked in.  Thought weekend would go smooth from here on out.  Nope.

Saturday - Got to work and this lady wouldn't answer her phone, or door about a late check-out nor come down to pay for another night.  Just great, but I was in a very bad mood which was so perfect to deal with a deadbeat.  I went up around 2 and she told me, when she finally came to the door after about 5 minutes of standing outside the room, that she would be about 5 minutes or so to check-out.  Sure you will be.  So at 3pm when one of the front desk guys showed up, really big and tough looking but a giant pussycat inside, we sent him up and she said 10 minutes this time.  He and I went up at 3:15 to deal with her.  Got the run around, got yelled at, and finally got rid of her about 3:30.

Oh, its going to be a long weekend.

Sunday - I get a call about a 'situation'.  Did I mention I really had the words "we have a situation"?  There was a guy in his room playing with himself in front of the window with the drapes open.  Don't you know that if you are watching porn on your laptop to close the damn drapes?  If you can't impress me, I don't want to see it.  If I'm impressed, I'll get a chair and some popcorn to watch the show.  A guest had informed the front desk gal, and both of us tried to find the room but all the drapes were closed and we couldn't figure out which room it was.  I would've called the room and told him to either impress me or close the damn drapes.  We get lots of families here dumbass.

Give me a full moon weekend anytime, or just impress the hell out of me.  I'll even share the popcorn to whomever wants to join me in watching the show.