Elf on the shelf and Christmas shopping

It's that time of year again.  Time for the Elf on the Shelf and Christmas shopping. 

Now the Elf is a new thing for me.  I recently discovered the Elf a couple of years ago.  And he made an appearance at my work.  Yes nothing says Christmas like the Elf on the shelf playing in the bar.  Yes, in the bar.  In fact I couldn't even find the little drunk, so I had recruit another one to handle his duties for the year.  Maybe she won't be found like this.

Or like this

Apparently he had a thing for cognac

He ended up like this looking for money right before Christmas

So here is to hoping that his replacement has a little more restraint.  However, I'm not holding my breath that she behaves.

I started my Christmas shopping finally.  I actually did some on Black Friday, in the afternoon, and only one stop.  I'm not that crazy as to go out at 3 a.m. shopping, for gifts that is.  I've been known to go grocery shopping at the wee hours on my way home, because there is a 24 hour store on the way.  But even shopping in the wee hours is nuts sometimes.  You wouldn't believe the amount of people who have their kids out with them shopping at 2 a.m., but that's a rant for another day.

So I discovered a new store.  Well, it's not a new store. It's been around for years, I've just never gone in there.  I finally went into a Pier 1 Imports.  That's a store that I could spend hours in, and that's not a good thing.  I'm like a bull in a china shop.  I can't even think about how many things I almost ran into while there.  I'm such a klutz.  That is one of those places I should only go into with a chaperone and wrapped in bubble wrap so I don't bump into anything.  

I think I might be able to get a lot of my shopping done in just a couple of stops this year.  Who wants candles?

Insomnia and other late night things

So you would think I'd be used to staying up late.  I am used to it.  But there are times when it'd be nice to not be awake at the crack of dawn.

Tonight is one of those nights I'm hoping to be asleep long before the sun comes up. 

Why you ask?  Well, it's my night off.  I don't need to be up this late.  Ok, in defense of the time, it's still early to my body clock.  1:20am is early for me.  Except I have things that need to be done before I go into to work tomorrow.

This is week two of having only one day off due to scheduling problems at work.  We are short staffed.  So guess who gets to work on one of her days off?  Me.  Love the overtime, but it sucks when you have things that need to get done. 

At least the cats are mellow tonight.  Oh wait, its early for them as well.  In about another hour, the kittehannapolis 250 will be starting.  Yes, laps at 3am.  What is it with wee hours of the mornings and kittehs needing to run like maniacs?  Although when I'm up at that time they will usually wait until I've just fallen asleep to start.  Isn't it nice of them to wait until I can fully appreciate their run?

At least no one has fallen off the porch this week, which is good as I don't have time for them to give me a heart attack at the moment.

For those that don't know or didn't hear, my dipshit kitteh (aka. Stickers) decided during her roll on the porch to roll under the railing and fall to the porch below us.  Except what she failed to consider at the time was the fact that due to the stairs being right under the porch she didn't have a fully flat spot to land.  Needless to say she did not land on her feet.  And quite frankly, both Shortie and myself were shocked that she even fit under the rail as she is on the "fluffy" side.  Amazingly the dipshit tried to roll in the same spot later that night.  And this is why we call her dipshit.

Must try to sleep now, as I feel the random ramblings coming on.  Good night and may the insomnia fairy stay the hell away.

Old lady Whiskers is back

So Whiskers is back.  For those of you that know me, you might remember that Whiskers adopted a neighbor a few years ago.  However, due to health issues of the neighbor, the old lady kitteh is back with us. 

Now I like having my cat back, she started out as my cat and yet left because she liked the neighbor better.  But she's back.  And an even crankier old kitteh than before.  Ok, so she's 16 1/2 years old, she's allowed to be cranky at that age.  What does that relate to in human years?  150+? 

And she is very set in her ways, especially when it comes to food.  Canned?  Ok, as long as it is the one flavor she'll eat.  Dry?  Only if its kitten food.  Really?  I get that you are an old kitteh, but you are seriously picky.  Of course, she was spoiled rotten being the only furbaby of the neighbor.  But she gets the food she'll eat, because if its anything else it ends up in the garbage.

She also has her own room.  Why you ask?  Because she's an old lady and doesn't like the other kitties here.  She, however, is in for a shock when Shortie moves, as she will be having to share the apartment with the others.  Personally, I think she'll kick the crap out of them.  I'm just not looking forward to the literal cat fights while she regains dominance.

Now she knows, and was irritated by the dipshit kitteh before, Stickers used to annoy her she was a kitten.  Stickers just didn't understand that the adults wanted to be left alone.  However, since her majesty has returned, she has not really spent much time trying to get into Shortie's room.  Indie, the demon kitteh, is another story.  That little furball just doesn't get why the old lady won't play under the door with her, let alone wants her in the throne room.  Indie, piece of advice, just leave the old lady alone.  Go pester Stickers for pete's sake.

So to try to get everyone to get along, Shortie and I have been giving the old lady and the demon face time.  What could be wrong with that you ask?  Well, the old lady is armed and knows how to use the claws.  And did I mention she's cranky too?  Armed and cranky, oh yeah let me volunteer to hold that one while Shortie holds the demon.  At least she didn't draw blood, yet.

But they should get along at some point, right?  Or would it more realistic to be hunting zombies and unicorns?  I, however, will be investing in lots of bandaids and catnip.

Demon kitteh, personal assistant

So this little ball of black fur known as the demon kitteh has a new habit.  She has to help with most things in the bathroom.  Apparently I do not know how to properly brush my teeth, brush my hair, get dressed, etc.  And being the dedicated kitteh she is, she insists on showing me how to do everything.

At first it was cute.  The kitteh is standing on the toilet with her paws up for attention, and as long as I pet her she was happy.  That was a couple of weeks ago.  Now it is on the counter, leaning on me and guiding the toothbrush.  Ok, she thinks she is guiding but that is not really what is happening.  And god forbid I move from the sink, thats when the serious looks of disgust begin.  How dare I move from her immediate reach.  Don't I know, that as a silly human, I can't do anything by myself?  She knows when I'm to stop, the toothbrush signals (gotta love electric ones).  As soon as it signals, she is off the counter and waiting for me to get dressed. 

Of course she has to help with that too.  Does she not realize that I did all these things myself before she decided that I needed a babysitter to assist with them?  She helps with make-up, curling irons and flat irons.  However, she hates the hairdryer.  That is just way too noisy for her.  Is there a way to make it so that the curling iron makes that noise?

She also assists when I'm on the laptop, playing on my phone, trying to read.  I obviously need assistance with everything.  What she doesn't realize is the only assistance I need is her out of the way.  Sitting on the keyboard looking cute will win her loves, but only so I can remove said kitteh from the keyboard.

How did I ever survive without the help of this very dedicated assistant?  I survived quite well actually.  Just don't tell her, she'll never believe you.

Christmas shopping and other not so joys of the season

So every year I tell myself that I'm going to start early.  Christmas shopping that is.  Yeah right, never happens.  The few times I've done this I hide them, only to find them way after Christmas, sometimes in time for next Christmas.  So I started really hitting the shopping two days ago. 

Now I really don't like the malls.  Too many people and too many rude ones.  I used to like the malls and then found amazon.  But luckily my days off are in the middle of the week so it isn't too bad.  But just barely, and I have to finish next week.

Also the kids are at the stage where they are getting kinda hard to shop for.  Mainly because I get the wish lists really late.  Kids, I'd like the lists in, oh say, August.  That'll give me time to shop, hide, lose and reshop for your gifts.  But a mom can dream. 

Stocking stuffers for them are the hardest.  When they were little, crayons, small toys and silly string worked.  Now its, OMG what am I going to get.  What candy do they still like?  What are the ingredients, as the girls have developed food issues.  Ugh.  Ok two are of legal age, maybe airplane size booze bottles would work.  But which ones?  This is going to be as bad as finding candy they will eat.

I have a wonderful boyfriend this year that I get to shop for.  But what to get the guy who has whatever he needs and the wishlist contains things that I can't afford and have not a clue where to find some of the items on the list.  He doesn't eat a lot of sweets, so candy is out (I'd end up eating a lot of it).  Buying clothes for men is out, too hard to do, they can shop for themselves. Just kidding, if you gave me sizes and whatnot, I'd love to shop for you.  You like pink and purple, right? 

Wrapping is a whole other subject.  I've been lucky and Shortie has been my elf in charge of this.  I used to really enjoy it, but midnight wrapping sessions fighting with cats has somehow stopped that.  This year maybe I can keep them away long enough to do that.  How much would Shortie charge me to tackle this project for me?  I'll have to see if she is available for hire again.  She's almost 20 so slave labor is probably not an option and its going to cost me.  Or maybe I'll just get a bottle of wine and tackle it myself.

I did break down and get an elf on the shelf.  Not for home, the kids aren't going to buy the Santa is watching you thing anymore.  But I got it for work.  Maybe if the customers drink enough, I can keep them in line with the Santa is watching line.  The elf is having fun at work though.  He was on a shelf behaving himself when I left one day last week, and when I came in the next day he was playing on the beer taps.  We could have a very drunk elf if we don't keep an eye on him.  So Mr. Elf, no drinking and climbing the Christmas trees in the restaurant anymore.  That would be a sad day if someone found him dangling from the branches.

It's been awhile

So it's been an interesting year so far.  New kitten, new boyfriend, Shortie has a license and a car, The Boy has a permit.

So last 4th of July, not only was dipshit kitteh freaked out due to the fireworks.  Shortie texted to say that the reservation where they were doing fireworks at got closed due to idiots, she came home with a surprise.  So she walked in the door with her hoodie backwards.  While holding the hood she told me "look what I brought home".  My first thought was "oh god the bomb squad will be showing up next".  Instead she pulled out a little black ball of fur.  Little did I know that it was a demon spawn from hell.  Ok, not that bad, but boy what a little shit.  Shortie named her Independence aka Indie, I just called her demon kitteh.

Did some overnight shifts with K from work due to staffing shortage.  Made for long days, but the overtime was worth it.  In fact, doing one tonight to people calling in with family emergencies.  Which worked as the transmission went out in my car in September.  I hate cars sometimes.  But at least Shortie had just gotten her car and was able to borrow another one so I could use hers to get to work.  Its a land yacht, 1981 Pontiac Bonneville, awesome car with lots of crunch room.

Spent the Christmas holiday home sick, but got really good leftovers sent home in a care package.  Mom didn't do a turkey this year, she did tri-tip roast, which if you haven't tried it you must.  That was a really nice change, hopefully she'll do it again this year.

Norwescon was a blast.  My friend T introduced my to cake vodka.  Want to talk about a dangerous alcohol, it doesn't even taste like booze, definately could get into trouble with that.  Finally had a new costume this year, after thinking I killed my mom's sewing machine.  That was a scary moment in time.  I also thought I had killed my brother's dog the same day.

Also have a really awesome new boyfriend, who hasn't run away screaming in fear yet.  Maybe the duct tape and restraints are working, for now.

Time to go back to work, sort of. 

Dipshit kitteh and fireworks don't mix

Poor Stickers, aka Dipshit kitteh.  This 4th of July has been rough on her.  She's finally asleep, I think, but maybe not to deeply with the war zone going on outside still.  Old man kitteh could care less.  They just don't seem to bother him.  Maybe its because we got him when the kids were little.  If you can survive that, fireworks are no big deal.

The dipshit kitteh hasn't left my side since they have begun. And wants me to hold her like a little baby. You know how hard it is to be on your laptop with a kitteh in your arms? But alas, that seems to be how it is going to go for the rest of the night.

Everytime that I've gone outside to watch the fireworks in the surrounding area she wants to go outside.  Then about 30 seconds later, after a boom, she's meowing to go back in.  Stupid kitteh.  Don't you know I tried telling you about the noise? 

At least the apartments I live in has banned them, with a risk of immediate eviction if caught setting them off.  Which is nice.  I'm a pyromaniac at heart, but there isn't enough space in an apartment parking lot to set stuff off without risking someone's car.  Of course, that didn't stop anyone last year, but has seemed to work this year.

Shortie went to a local reservation with friends to go blow everything up.  I'm glad we don't live near there for several reasons.  The fireworks and dipshit don't mix, and they have a really nice casino.  That could be really costly if I lived that close.  I don't live that far, but I don't like to fight the traffic to get there.  So that tends to limit my visits to about once or twice a year.  Although they do have a really good buffet.  Maybe I'll have to stop by on a day off soon.

Hopefully the booms will stop soon.  It is 11:30 already, and she is upset.  At least I don't work early mornings anymore, so going to bed late won't be a problem for me.  But the kitteh, different story.

Hope everyone had a fun 4th and still has all their fingers.